The Sebastian Convos
by SimonBlackquillEatsASandwich
Summary: Summary: Lexi and Francesca are best friends and obsessed with the book series, The Mortal Instruments. One day Lexi receives a text message from none other than Jonathan Morgenstern. Not knowing what to do and freaking out, she improvises and uses her knowledge from the book to pretend to be him. Full summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

Full Summary: Lexi and Francesca are best friends and obsessed with the book series, The Mortal Instruments. One day Lexi receives a text message from none other than Jonathan Morgenstern. Not knowing what to do and freaking out, she improvises and uses her knowledge from the book to pretend to be him. When he messages Francesca too, she panics and decides to follow her friend's lead. After a while they manage to get rid of him, but he just keeps coming back to stir up trouble and it's up to Lexi and Francesca to try to fix this mess they've found themselves in. (I'm bad at summaries but we promise it's better than it sounds.)

AN: Hey everyone! Blackquill16, here! So I made this while actually texting one of my best friends AwesomeSauce, so thanks so much to you girl! We had soooo much fun writing these and it was great! Also, thank you so so much to my betas AwesomeSauce and DroidX44 for putting up with my insanity and all in all just being fantastic peeps! *gives cookies to them* So, For most of them Sauce plays Lexi and I play Sebastian, but in one, (It'll be marked when you get to it), I'm as Lexi's best friend Francesca, Besides that, in some I'll be playing Sebastian but with Francesca making a few cameos. So, ya, enjoy! Also, we don't own TMI(Cassandra Clare does) but we do own Lexi and Francesca. One last thing, thank you to google translate for making this possible, couldn't have done it without you.

Hi, AwesomeSauce here. We actually made this while texting each other! We had sooooo much fun writing this so enjoy!

✌️? TMI

AwesomeSauce

Convo 1- The Language Battle

Sebastian: So, "Sebby", *mocks*, I hear you're pretending to be me lately. Apparently ever since I first contacted you?

I don't like it

So, you'll become an Endarkened

Just like everyone in your little gang.

Lexi: I'm already Endarkened. I'm you

Sebastian: You THINK you're me

Lexi: I don't have a little gang

Sebastian: But, tell me dear, do you have proof?

Do you have cold hard evidence?

In other words, do you have the truth?

Lexi: Um, er, we're scared of pigeons.

Sebastian: Lies

All lies

Lexi: Er, I'm scared of pigeons. The pooping, so unnatural.

Sebastian: Oookay, geez I didn't ask for your life story. I asked for proof that you're the real me.

Lexi: Well that would mean you're not you. And you're me.

I'm confusing myself.

Sebastian: I am me

But I am not you, nor will I ever be.

Lexi: I mean, um, *evil laugh*

Sebastian: I cannot be what I am not. All I can be is Jonathan Morgenstern.

Lexi: I thought I called myself Sebastian

Sebastian: Jonathan Morgenstern is me, but believe me, you aren't the absolutely magnificent him.

Where did you hear that?

Lexi: I AM!

Sebastian: Your little gang?

And true, that's what I call myself.

Lexi: No, because I'm you.

Sebastian: But on the inside I am Jonathan Morgenstern

And I cannot change that, nor can anyone else.

Lexi: Yeah, yeah, you think you're Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern.

That's me.

Sebastian: No, I know I am.

You are Sebastian Verlax

Verlax

VERLAX

VERLAC Demons, I hate autocorrect.

Lexi: I invented autocorrect to torture you.

Sebastian: Actually darling, I invented it.

Lexi: I'm not Sebastian, he's dead.

Sebastian: I know, I killed him after all

Lexi: And I'm not your darling.

I mean, um, fine it's me.

Sebastian: Who?

Alexander Lightwood, are you wearing a mask of my face?

So, Alec, why're you wearing a mask of my face my dear?

Lexi: I'm not, Alec. Guess again.

Sebastian: While I am rather attractive, you do not need to pretend to be me.

So, if you aren't Alec, then who is under that facade of my beautiful face?

Lexi: Keep guessing, Sebby.

Hint, hint, you don't really know me too well.

Sebastian: *scoff* I don't have time for games.

Lexi: Well if you want to know who I am, you have to try.

Sebastian: You tell me, or you become an Endarkened, a shell of your human self.

Lexi: I won't! If you don't know who I am you can't make me Endarkened. HA!

Sebastian: Oh, sweetie, you think I don't know who you are?

How cute.

Lexi: Oops, I might've given myself away.

AND IM NOT YOUR SWEETIE YOU MONSTER!

Sebastian: But, if you insist on thinking you're me, wouldn't that make you a monster?

At least I admit to it.

Lexi: Well if you know who I am, who am I?

Sebastian: Anyway, takes one to know one

*scoff* like I would tell you of all people

Lexi: Yeah, I guess. But, hello, actress here!

Who am I?

Sebastian: Refer to the last message I sent

Lexi: Wait, you don't know! *points and laughs*

Sebastian: Yes I do

For those who don't speak Latin, *gestures to you*, I know all.

Lexi: Hahahaha! Jonathan Morgenstern can't figure out who someone is! *bursts out laughing*

I know Latin!

Sebastian: Ridiculous, the mere thought. Of course I know who you are

And no, you do not know Latin

Lexi: I do.

Sebastian: Oh, really?

Then you wouldn't mind a little test?

Lexi: Well if you insist I don't know Latin, who am I?

Sebastian: Like I would tell you

Lexi: And I will take your test.

Sebastian: Okay

Lexi: I accept a challenge.

Sebastian: Nescis Latine mendacium ridiculum insipiens. Nec penitus ista transferre conantur uti scio omnia ergo, ut sciam.

Lexi: I thought you were fluent in Latin, Sebby. Using google translate?

Sebastian: Of course not, it takes time to write a well written sentence in Latin, Not that you would know.

Lexi: (using Google Translate)You do not know English, lies ridiculous fool. I know they try to make use of all things, therefore, has not wholly translate this, so that I will know.

Sebastian: Um no not even close

I'll tell you what I said

Lexi: What? Oh dang it! I translated wrong!

Sebastian: And it took you too long, you used google translate.

Lexi: I can read Latin, I'm just terrible at translating. And I did not!

Sebastian: Yes you did, for those who don't speak Latin, once again you, I know all.

Lexi: I'm going to steal something from your book. It takes time to write a well written sentence in Latin, Not that you would know.

Sebastian: What?

No

That's not what I said

Lexi: Oops, I forgot to take off that last sentence.

You did, see? (Picture of speech bubble)

Sebastian: It's not what I said in Latin

Lexi: I know. I said I translated wrong. I'm bad at translating.

Sebastian: What I said in Latin was, You do not know Latin you ridiculous lying fool. Don't even try to use the internet to translate this, I know all, ergo I will know.

(AN: Around here it starts to turn into a language battle. You don't have to read this, unless you want to read me and Blackquill ramble on about how many languages Lexi and Sebastian know.

AwesomeSauce

PS: I actually know all the languages I said I did. Except for Latin. I don't know a word. )

Lexi: Well I'll tell you something. I know Hebrew. You don't. HA!

Sebastian: Correct, I don't know Hebrew.

But I admit it freely

I don't pretend to know the language

Lexi: Yes! The "great" Jonathan Morgenstern admits he's not so great! I won!

Notice my quotes.

Sebastian: Nope I'm still great

I never said I wasn't

I said I didn't know one language out of thousands of languages

and I prefer to be called Sebastian

Lexi: Phish! I still know something you don't!

HA!

Fine, Sebby.

Sebastian: Yes, and I know something you don't

How many languages do you know?

I know hundreds

Lexi: Yeah, yeah, you know Latin.

Sebastian: Yes, but I also know a lot more of language than you.

You know one I don't know, I know thousands you don't know.

Lexi: Um, er, okay. You got me. I know 3 1/2

Sebastian: E dija që ju gënjyer. Megjithatë, unë nuk e kam.

Mən sizə yalan bilirdi. Lakin, mən etmədim.

Знаех си, че е излъгал. Въпреки това, аз не го направих.

كنت أعرف أنك كذبت. ومع ذلك، لم أكن.

我知道你撒了谎。但是，我没有。

Věděl jsem, že jsi lhal. Nicméně, já ne.

Lexi: Really, Russian?And is that Chinese? And whatever that Middle-Eastern Language is?

Sebastian: It's not Russian

And it's Arabic

And Albanian, and many others

Lexi:

ייתכן שקבלת אותי לשם, אבל אני עדיין יודע עברית ואתה לא. HA!

Sebastian: Alam ko ang lahat, aking mahal.

Lexi: Try that, slimeball.

And no Google Translate!

Sebastian: You said, You got me there, but I still know Hebrew and you don't.

I didn't use Google translate

Not like you would

And while you typed that, I learned Hebrew

Lexi: I don't use Google Translate. I am fluent in Hebrew.

Sebastian: I'm fluent in Hebrew now too.

And every other language

אני יודע הכל, היקר שלי.

Lexi: You know what! I'm done with this language competition. You're probably gloating in Hebrew.

Sebastian: And what I said in Hebrew was, I know all, my dear.

AN: Whew! The language battle is over! I am questioning why we wrote it. Next time, Francesca(with Blackquill writing her) is the impostor and I'm writing as Sebastian. It's actually really fun trying to play a character, especially an evil one, especially one in writing. I have a feeling by the end of the month, Blackquill16 and I will have millions of these! I'm rambling! Next one should be up soon, maybe in a couple days!- AwesomeSauce


	2. Chapter 2

Convo 2- The OOC Sebastian

AN: I really enjoyed getting to be Francesca in this one and kind of get to get a banter going with "Sebastian". And no matter what Sauce says in the author's note she's about to write, she actually does do a really good Sebastian in my opinion!- Blackquill16

AN2: WARNING: I DO A REALLY BAD SEBASTIAN. Sorry if it's all OOC- AwesomeSauce

Francesca: So, Sebby, how's life treating you, I mean ME!

You think I'm an imposter

Yet you're the imposter

Sebastian: Give it up, my dear. I know who you are. And I will not get into this again.

Francesca: And even if I was like,a very uncoordinated fangirl and an imposter, you couldn't prove it right?

*laughs nervously*

Sebastian: I could. What's something that only I would know?

Francesca: Your deepest wish is Clary's approval and love, and for her to rule beside you as queen.

This is true BTW it was in city of heavenly fire

Sebastian: How did you know that?'

Francesca: Dangit, you weren't supposed to know about the book about you're in..

*mumbles to self about blowing cover*

Sebastian: There's a book about me?

Francesca: Um... No, I mean um...

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE

Sebastian: I knew this before but you're that fangirl. Lana, right? Or is it Alicia?

Me: My name is Francesca

Not Lana or Alicia

And my by Lana, I think you mean LEXI!

Sebastian: Whatever.

Francesca: Dangit, I just revealed myself didn't I

Well BYE SUCKAHS

Sebastian: Yes you did, my dear.

Francesca : *dissapears on jetpack*

Sebastian: You can run, but you can't hide!

Francesca: Oh, but I'm already gone.

Sebastian: Alicia and Lana, I will get you!

Francesca: Where do you think I am?

Sebastian: I will find you!

Francesca: First of all our names are FRANCESCA AND LEXI and second of all I'll give you a hint so that your small brain can process it

We're still in the U.S

Sebastian: Well, I know Lana is at her grandmother's house and you are still at your house.

And my brain is not small!

Francesca: I don't know where Lexi is right now, but I'm not at my house

Sebastian: You're at your cousin's house, aren't you Alicia.

Francesca: Nope

I don't have cousins who live near me

Sebastian: I don't have time for stupid games.

Francesca: Hmm, then I guess you won't find me.

Oh well what a pity *sighs*

Sebastian: At least I know where Lana is. I have her here with me. It was very easy to kidnap her actually...

Francesca: Good for you

I know of no one name Lana

Sebastian: Your friend. Wouldn't you know her?

Francesca: I haven't met a single person names Lana in my life

Maybe you have the name wrong

Too bad for you

Sebastian's Phone with Lexi typing: FRANCESCA, HELP! THAT SLIMEBALL SEBASTIAN CAPTURED ME! HELP!

Francesca: That's peculiar, I don't know of anyone named Lana. She must have the wrong Francesca

Lexi: *rips phone out of Sebastian's hands* FRAN, ITS LEXI! HEEEEELP! HE'S ABOUT TO STICK THE INFERNAL CUP DOWN MY THROAT!

Francesca: Oh, it's Lexi. Sorry for the confusion. He kept calling you Lana. Don't worry I have an escape plan. But Im going to pretend like I don't know you.

Sebastian: I read, those, dear Alicia.

Francesca: Good for you

They were lies anyway to confuse you, OR WERE THEY!?

This Lana girl is creeping me out

She pretends I know her

Sebastian: I'm surprised you wouldn't know your best friend.

Francesca: I have never met a girl named Lana.

Maybe you're talking about my friend Lexi.

Sebastian: Or maybe it was Lexi. I forget.

Francesca: No, I don't know anyone named Lexi either.

Anyway, BAIIII! YOU CANT GET ME!

AN: What did you think? Who do you want to get text tortured by Sebastian next? What do you want Blackquill16 and I argue about with Sebastian next? Please don't say another language battle. Tell us in the comments!

✌️? TMI

AwesomeSauce

Convo 3- Jace and Alec Jump On In

AN: To anyone out there who has a crush on Jace or Alec, feel free to put yourselves in Lexi and Francesca's shoes. As you can probably guess, we get a little OT here after Jace and Alec (their crushes) happen to get themselves into the convo with them and Sebastian (or should I say Sebastain.?) Anyway, enjoy!- AwesomeSauce

Sebastian: Lana, darling, how ya been?

Lexi: Great, you again.

What do you want noooow?

Sebastian: Don't be that way dear. I just wanted to *creepy smile* talk to you. Isn't that what friends are for?

Lexi: Friends? You're faaaaaar from a friend. Let's list all the reasons I hate you: you're evil and psychopathic, you kidnapped me and tried to kidnap Francesca, etc., etc. if I went on this could go forever.

Sebastian: Oh yes, that weirdo. Kept saying how Lana, her fangirl in shining armor, would save her.

I was impressed when you managed to get her back before we even got to my layer

Lexi: MY NAME IS LEXI! NOT LANA!

MY BEST FRIEND IS FRANCESCA! HER NAME ISN'T WEIRDO

Sebastian: Oh, and Hon? Everyone is psychopathic on the inside. I just don't insist on hiding it.

Lexi: Enough with the pet names. Eww.

Sebastian: Oh, have I offended you? Pooooor baby.

Lexi: Shut up, jerk. I would so slap you right now. I need reinforcements. FRANNNNIEEEEE

Sebastian: Oh and Lana, darling, sweetie, honey, you really think I care about opinions of the likes of you?

Francesca: *adds self to group chat* FRANCESCA AT YOUR SERVICE LEXI

Lexi: Thank you!

Francesca: Whaddya need help with?

Oh

This jerk again

Lexi: Exactly. Help.

Francesca: He seems to have have somehow gotten my number? He texted me like this a couple of days ago

Lexi: That's happened to me too

*muddled inaudible girly shouts*

Francesca: So, while we were texting I hurried to his stupid layer. That scream was him. He has to go nurse that wound right about now.

Lexi: What did you do? *Smiles evilly*

Francesca: We have about a minute

Oh, that's my secret.

Although his shins might not be feelin' so hot for a few days

Lexi: Eh, tell me later.

?

Francesca: ?

So we have about a minute left

Whaddya say we go to the mall?

Lexi: Let's go.

Sebastian: *normal yell* Lana, now that that's over.

And your pesky friend is gone.

Let's get back to business

Lexi: What business? I have nothing to do with you.

Sebastian: What would you like to drink? Coffee, tea, blood? Oh forget that last one, I kidnapped Stewart a couple weeks ago. It's leftovers.

Unless you enjoy that kind of thing

Lexi: First of all, we're texting so you can't really give me something to drink... Also, Stewart? Who's Stewart? You know what? I don't want to know.

Sebastian:Stewart, my sister's pesky little friend?

I imagine you've heard of him

Lexi: You mean Simon? HOW DARE YOU!

Sebastian: Oh, he's fine. Undead, remember?

Just a little *pause for effect* bent out of shape.

And slightly more dead than before

Lexi: I would punch you.

Sebastian: HAHAHAHAHA Id like to see you try.

I am the best Shadowhunter ever known to man.

Lexk: You're not even a Shadowhunter.

Sebastian: Nephilim, beats mundane. Simple. As. That. And I'm dark Nephilim, close enough.

Lexi: No, you're some twisted evil demon thing.

Whatevs. I still hate you.

Sebastian: Well, I was Nephilim. Then dear old dad had to fiddle with mom's stomach.

Lexi: I know this. Don't say it again.

Sebastian: Wow. *eyeroll* Greeeeat comeback.

Lexi, annoying bug on my forehead, you are starting to get on my nerves.

Lexi: Comebacks aren't my thing, these are. (Picture that says "KEEP CALM AND HATE SEBASTAIN)

And yay! You got my name right!

Sebastian: I could smash, no, demolish, you in a heartbeat.

Lexi: I still hate you.

Sebastian: Love the fantaaaastic nicknames, Lana.

Lexi: Well you can't hurt me if I'm gone.

Sebastian: Oh yes I can.

I can find you

I can always find you

I know all

I see all

Lexi: *Sticks out tongue and disappears on jet pack*

Whatevs. BAIIIIII SUCKAH!

Sebastian: *finds and attempts to punch*

I hear all

I fear NOTHING

Lexi: Fake actions don't really work for you Sebastain.

Sebastian: I am Sebastian, I am your lord. And you will address me as such, filthy weakling peasant.

Lexi: NOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!

Sebastian: Wow, your childish too? Your list of greeeat qualities goes on and on.

Lexi: I can call you what I want, Sebby. You've got nothing on me!

Sebastian: That's where you're wrong

Lexi: Duh, I'm childish! I'm still young!

Sebastian: I have your friend. Guess you couldn't save her this time.

Francesca: LEXIIIII

HELP

I TRIED KICKING HIM AGAIN

BUT IT DIDNT WORK

HES PLAYING FLAPPY BIRD ON MY PHONE

HE BEAT MY HIGH SCORE

Me: FRANCESCA! NOOOO! I'll get you out of there.

HAHAHAHA! That's actually really funny, well the Flappy Bird part is!

S to F: That's enough dear.

S to L: There you have it. Anyway Lana, how bout those Mets.

Lexi: I like the Yankees. And it isn't even baseball season.

Stop trying to distract me!

Sebastian: Funny story. My sister is from New York. She likes the Yankees. So does your weirdo friend.

Lexi: I know what you're doing to Frannie! I WILL SAVE HER!

Sebastian: Alicia is currently watching Anime. She'll be okay for a few days.

Lexi: WHAT DID YOU DO!

Sebastian: Oh nothing nothing at all

Except for

Maybe

Lexi: I don't trust you

SPILL!

Sebastian: I tried to shoved the whole darn Infernal Cup down her throat

Then she spit it out

And then I tried again

But to no avail

Hold on for a sec and let me try again

*choking noises*

Lexi: Seriously. That's quite clichè. You've tried to do that to me like, five times.

Sebastian: DARNIT FRANCESCA DRINK THE DANG BLOOD

Well, she doesn't seem to want to comply at the moment.

L to F: Don't do it! Spit it out!

Francesca: I'm *more choking and spitting* trying!

Sebastian: FRANCESCA DRINK IT OR I SWEAR I'LL

Lexi: I'll save you, F! That's what friends do!

F to S: Stop with the *choke* empty threats

F to L: Thanks Lex!

Sebastian: YES SHE DRANK IT

Aaaand puked it up again

Welp

I'll let her rest for a while

Lexi: NOOOOO! Wait, YAAAAAAY!

Sebastian: There's time for that later

Your friend is a feisty one

Lexi: What do you want, anyway? We're just innocent little mundanes.

Sebastian: For now both of you are still just normal Shadowhunters

Did I say shadowhunters?

Lexi: Shadowhunters? We're mundanes.

Sebastian: I meant mundanes... *nervous laugh*

Lexi: And yes, yes you did

Sebastian: There's absolutely NOOO way you are also daughters of Jocelyn

Or anything

Like that

Demons, I'm terrible under pressure...

Lexi: Wait, Clary and Felicia are my sisters? Awesome! Wait, that means you're my brother. Ewwwwww!

What? And my name is Lexi, Slimeball.

Sebastian: My buds Alec and Jace won't stop begging for you and Francesca. I got them in my dungeon too.

Lexi: Really? They like us? *Starts bouncing up and down*

Sebastian: Jace says he admires your strength under pressure(and he also adds that I lack that)

And Alec is going crazy worrying about Francesca since she's kidnapped, but he was impressed with her shin-kicking skills

Lexi: SQUEEEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLL!

I think I just broke a window.

F to L: Aw, that's my fangirl in shining armor.

L to F: ✋? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾄ? ﾟﾘﾋ? ﾟﾘﾋ? ﾟﾘﾋ

S to L: ENOUGH WITH THE NICETIES

Lexi: Waaaiiiit, what's the catch? It's awesome you're telling us this, but it seems too good to be true.

Sebastian: No catch, as much as I hate to admit it, no catch

Lexi:Seriously?

Sebastian: Yes... It's totally real.. *crosses fingers behind back*

(AN: Around here it mainly becomes Lexi and Francesca fangirling and going crazy, plus Lexi apologizing up and down to Clary, and Jace and Alec spilling their love for them. I better stop. I'm going to go write.- Lea)

Sebastian: Magnus and Clary are heartbroken though

Lexi: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Sebastian:You stole your own sister's boyfriend... And Francesca stole her favorite warlock's boyfriend.

Lexi: Aww. Tell them I'm sorry. I would never try to hurt their feelings.

Sebastian: Oh, Dear Clarissa and Magnus were yelling about revenge when I last saw them

Lexi: I would never steal another girl's guy.

Sebastian: Something about new runes and a glitter army?

No matter

Lexi: Uh, IM SORRY CLARY! I DIDNT DO IT!

F to Magnus: UHHHHH

Sorry...?

He liked me first

Just sayin'

Okay that's a lie

I liked him first

But how can I not?

Those blue eyes

Wow I'm rubbing it in aren't I

Sorry Maggie

F to S: THANKS A LOT SEBASTAIN

S to L: Uh oh here comes the glitter bomb rune...

F: DUCKKKK

L to Clary: Please don't do anything. I just had an eensy weensy crush. I didn't know he liked me back. I would never try to steal another girl's guy. Take Jace. He's yours.

J to L: NO

I LIKE YOU

NOT CLARY

Lexi: Okay, the tiny crush is a lie.

Jace: Uh

I mean

Sorry Clare Bear

But I like Lex now

Lexi: Jace, pardon me as I go out of control! OMG OMG OMG OMG

OMG OMG

OMG

OMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEESH!

Alec to Francesca: Uh what he said about Lexi goes ditto for you and me. Together we shall rule the skies. You, the sun, me the moon.

Lexi: Aww, F, your boyfriend's so sweeeeeet!

Francesca: Your's too! Aren't they great?

Lexi: Alec and Frannie sittin in a tree, G!

Francesca: Lea and Jace sitting in the training room. G

Lexi: Yasssss!

Maryse to Lexi and Jace. YOU TWO SHOULD BE TRAINING

Lexi: Heh heh heh. SORRY!

Maryse to F and A: AND YOU TWO. STOP KISSING IN THAT TREE! YOU TWO SHOULD ALSO BE TRAINING!

Alec: Sorry Mom...

Francesca: Sorry Maryse...

AN: Sorry guys. It kinda abruptly cuts off here because we paused and never got back to it. Maybe we'll give Part 2 later. -AwesomeSauce


	3. Chapter 3

Convo 4- Lexi, Francesca, Sebastian, and Ciara?

AN: I loved this one. I think you will to. Prepare to be introduced to Ciara, who somehow wound up in Lexi's brain. I own Ciara, and I play her and Lexi in this convo. Blackquill is playing herself and Seb in this one. -AwesomeSauce

Ciara: Hey there Sebby. What's up?

Sebastian: I realized, just yesterday, that your name is not, in fact, Lana.

Lexi: Ciara! Knock it off! I hate him! You do not converse with the enemy!

To Sebastian: That's Ciara.

Sebastian: Sienna, nice to meet you.

Let me change that,

It's bewitching to meet you dahling.

Lexi: She kinda likes to invade my consciousness

Sebastian: Oh yes, my conscience tried to do that to me once.

I knocked it out.

Now it's living in a tiny apartment in Hoboken.

Lexi: She's a bit more on the, um, should I say, evil side. I invented her a couple years ago while writing fanfic...

Sebastian: I always rather liked the name Sienna... She sounds like a, shall I say, interesting person.

Lexi: I'm just saying it because this was all Ciara's idea. I didn't start this convo.

Sebastian: Good for her. Now that I've got you here Lexi, (I've decided to use your real name), what is up dawg?

I have, ahem, tried to start using slang, yo.

Ciara: I'm surprised you don't remember me, Sebby. And you always got my name wrong it's Ciara, not Sienna.

Lexi: Get out, Ciara!

Sebastian: Remember me?

Lexi: just don't use slang. Just, just no.

Sebastian: I have never met you, I wouldn't forget a face like that.

Okay... I thought I was doing rather well with the whole slang thing. Hmph, some people don't understand true awesomeness.

Ciara: Remember? I'm blonde, you had me in the apartment when Clary and Jace were over. I was your girlfriend!

Lexi: Oh, I understand awesomeness. " Awesome Sauce" is my catchphrase.

Sebastian: Say it with me dear, how could you pronounce your own name wrong? See-en-ah! Sienna! You mess up such an enchanting name.

Ciara: No, no no. My name is Ciara. See-ar-ah! Ciara!

Sebastian: Also, after Jace was stabbed with Glorious, I had quite a memory lapse.

I can't remember anything from when we were tied together.

You just don't understand, Si-Si. Can I call you that? Don't answer, I'll call you that anyway.

Ciara: Dang! *Grumbles to self in Lexi's brain*

Go ahead, Sebby. I don't mind.

Lexi: ARRGH! CIARA GET OUT OF MY BRAIN! I NEED THAT SPACE FOR FANFIC!

Sebastian: We are, purrrrrrfect for eachother. We both have S names, we both love cat puns. I'm assuming you love cat puns?

Sienna, no need to mess up dear Lea's brain.

Lexi: Yes, Sebastain. Ciara likes cat puns.

Sebastian: As she says, she NEEDS that space for fanfic- as long as it's all about me of course!

Lexi: I'm keeping my brain to myself!

And my fanfic!

Sebastian: WOOOOT WOOOOOT! Knew it! On a roll! Sebby: 1, World:0

Lexi: And no, you have zero fanfic space. My Werdsmith has zero about you.

Sebastian: LALALA I CANNOT HEAR YOU!

Lexi: Except for... Wait a second! Ciara! Seriously! I hate you!

Sebastian: What'd you say? All your fanfic is about me?

Knew it!

Lexi: NO!

Sebastian: Sienna wrote fanfic about me?

Using your brain?

Lexi: Well, Ciara's is, mine isn't.

Yeah.

Sebastian: ALL of her fanfic is about me?

I am impressed, dear.

Lexi: Yurp. Sadly.

Sebastian: Mwahaha! I always knew she was attracted to me.

Yes, I met her ten minutes ago, but the whole time I knew she liked me.

Lexi: She was getting all happy during CoLS when you did something.

Ciara: Of course! What not to like is there?-Ciara

Sebastian: Sienna, the queen. Me, the king. Together, we shall rule all of Edom.

(AN: Originally slightly messed up. I fixed it, but kept the dialogue -Sauce)

Ciara: So, I understand you messed up a bit. No one's perfect.

Sebastian: I messed up what?

Ciara: Even though you are close to it!

Sebastian: I MESS UP NOTHING, FOR I AM PERFECT YOU FOOLISHLY FOOLISH FOOL. (Ace Attorney reference... Sorry... Couldn't resist...- Blackquill)

Lexi: Blech! Ciara's getting all lovey dovey. In my own brain! Seriously! I will get you out Ciara!

Ciara: I'd like to see you try, Lex! You can't do it!

Lexi: Ohh, it's on Ciara...

Sebastian: Sienna, I've only know you a short time, including time lapse. But I feel that time does not matter for love. Wanna go out?

*Screaming and yelling*

Lexi: Sebby, she's gone for a bit. I knocked her back to Brain Central Station.

Hey, F! Care to get in here!

Sebastian: No! No! This wasn't how it was supposed to end! Did she tell you her answer?

Francesca: Hey guys, heard my name.

Sup?

Lexi: Yes, Ciara said yes

Sebastian: Pardon, WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO

Francesca: Heard you were got a girlfriend, Seb? How are you going to walk to the date with all those shin bruises I gave you?

Lexi: Sebastian asked Ciara, who invaded my brain. Ciara was an OC I originally made his girlfriend, and he took it. She was the blonde girl from CoLS.

Francesca: Ah, I get it now.

Sebastian: Anyone care to explain to me what happened during the time lapse?

*F drags away S to explain*

Sebastian 5 minutes later: OOOOOOH, Now I get all your inside jokes...

Lexi: What inside jokes?

Sebastian: About Jace being so hot he's on fire?

Lexi: I'm kinda over him. I knew it wasn't going to work out. Sebastian, don't you bring him over!

F and S creepily simultaneously:

He's been sobbing all week since you broke up with him. Also, Clary broke his arm so hard the iratzes didn't work...

Lexi: Great Ciara's ba...*trails off*

Ciara: What did I miss?

Sebastian: Sienna, dear.

Ciara: Ciara

Not Sienna

Get it right, Sebby!

Sebastian: Just that I figured out the inside jokes.

F to L: He hasn't locked me up lately...

It's a bit strange. He used to do that waaaay too often. *rolls eyes*

Ciara: Oh hello, Francesca, is it? You must be Lexi's friend.

If you don't already know me, I'm Ciara.

Francesca: Oh, no... Have the tables turned? Has Lexi been kidnapped by someone new?

Oh no, I know you.

You seem cool.

Nice to meet you.

Ciara: No no no. I invaded Lea's brain.

She's fine.

Francesca: Oh, good. I was worried I'd have to come kick you in the shin too.

A FEW DAYS LATER...

Ciara: Hello there, Francesca, is it?

Francesca: Hey, Ciara! We met a couple days ago right?

Taking over Lex's brain again, are you?

Ciara: Yes, I'm a little bad with names, considering I share a brain with Lexi.

Francesca: Hmm... Yeah, I can see how the space is limited with all that fanfic going on...

Sebastian: Hello, Sienna!

*muffled Francesca being annoyed noises*

Ciara: Hey hey Sebby! Did you tie her up again?

Sebastian: Nah, I may or may not be sharing her brain, since I saw you do it to Lana.

It seemed like a good idea...

Sienna, how is Lana's brain? Francesca's is a bit cluttered with something called "shipping"...

Ciara: Sebby, get out of there! The personalities have to mesh for it to work.

I'm kind of another part of Lexi, so it works.

Francesca: Lexi, I want him out of here. Today, I almost turned Alec into an endarkened by accident.

Sebastian: My own girlfriend doesn't like me around?

I am rather offended, I must say...

Ciara: No, just it has to be good circumstances for the mind mesh. I love you around.

Sebastian: We will have a talk about this later... But for now,

Francesca: Wait, don't kick him out! He'll just kidnap me again if he leaves my brain...

Lexi: Argh, Ciara! You have to stop!

Francesca: You too, Sebastian!

Lexi: I'm back in control, yes!

Francesca: Me too for now, thankfully...

Sebastain get out of there!

Lexi: Hey C! Got any ideas!

Francesca: I have to say though... I am becoming rather fond of him.

Lexi: BLECH! Really?

Francesca: Not necessarily him, but what he would've been like if he wasn't demon infected

*muffled yelling*

Although when he's not being evil he is kinda nice

Lexi: Come on C!

Seriously F! Are you getting a Ciara too?

Francesca: Ciara, in a weird way I'm your boyfriend right now... Please help?

I'm not sure I want him gone...

Ciara: *Grumbling* of course she's not getting a me! I'm perfectly unique!

Francesca: But I wish I could control when he can and can't talk...

Ciara: You kinda have to get used to it. I wrestle Lexi for control a lot.

Francesca: Oh great...

Ciara: Or I think I know something to get him out.

Francesca: Wha- *whirring noises*

Sebastian: Sienna, Lana, nice to see you again... It has been a while

*more whirring noises*

Francesca: SHUT UP

Ciara, you were saying?

Me: Kick him in the shins F!

Francesca: That would be my own shins...

I could kick him in the proverbial shins if you want.

Ciara: Anyway, you had to have let him in, which means you can kick him out.

Francesca: True... It was the infernal cup though!

With something else in it

It wasn't Lilith blood, or angel blood

Or even mundane blood...

It tasted like... Green?

Ciara and Lexi: Green?

Francesca: Like, if green had a taste it'd be that...

It made me feel...

Ciara: Anyway, Lexi let me in when I rode into Brain Central Station.

Francesca: Okay, so he has to go out the same way he came in?

Ciara: You hitch him a ride on the train outta there!

Francesca: Somehow... He needs to get out through the infernal cup

Ciara: I don't want my boyfriend stuck in some girls brain!

Francesca: Don't worry, I can't date my own brain cells...

That would be seriously pathetic!

Also, you trust Lexi and I'm Lexi's friend!

Ciara: I do, true.

Francesca: She knows I wouldn't hurt her OC/real person thingy?

So, does anyone know what that liquid was?

Lexi: Zero clue

Ciara: No idea

Francesca: Sebastian obviously knows

Since he did it to me

Maybe we can lure him out

Ciara: I'm his girlfriend, I can talk to him.

Francesca: K that sounds like the logical thing to do

Sebastian: Yes, Si?

Hurry up, Francesca currently trying to kick herself in the shins, it's definitely a sight to see!

Ciara: What did you give Francesca? I want to know. I might have another unsuspecting victim.

Sebastian: It was kiwi juice

Magnus charmed it of course

It's amazing what people will do when you threaten their cats

Ciara: Kiwi juice? What charm?

Sebastian: I juiced a kiwi, brought it to his apartment, threatened Chairman Meow, and then he charmed it so that I could take over half of her brain

My physical body still exists, but my soul is in her head

Ciara: Cool. Remind me to threaten cats to get stuff.

Sebastian: Sure will, sweet thang. *winks*

Was that creepier than I intended, Sienna?

Ciara: Not at all.?

Sebastian: Sebby: 1 Awkwardness:0

So, I can leave whenever I want to, or if someone somehow convinces me

Or if Magnus's charm fails

Ciara: You can leave when you need, or Francesca might push you out first.

Sebastian: How can she push me out?

Francesca: *far off noise* Yeah, how can I?

Ciara: Lexi can take me out whenever she wants, because she created me.

Sebastian: So, Cassandra Clare can take me out?

Or Magnus? Or the God of Kiwi?

Or Francesca?

Ciara: Because you invaded Francesca's brain, you can get out on your own, or she can push you out if she drinks more kiwi juice. Can you put her on, Sebby?

Sebastian: Sure

Francesca: I'm back! *glares at Sebastian*

Lexi: Drink kiwi juice F!

Francesca: Can it be imaginary? My house is short on kiwi!

Lexi: Drink something green! Or yellow!

Francesca: I think we have OJ

Lexi: That'll work!

Francesca: *sips OJ* *Sebastian in human form pops up next to Felicia*

Sebastian: Dang... Why'd you tell her, Si?

Francesca and Lexi: Thanks Ciara!

Ciara: Your welcome guys!

Oh, and Sebastain, I was acting the whole time! I really find you disgusting.

Lexi, if you will

Sebastian: Wait a second! Francesca didn't even get to record our wedding yet! (AN: Sebastian originally proposed. Blackquill might write the proposal and wedding as a oneshot.)

Sebastian again: Everyone's a critic!

Now I'm definitely kidnapping Francesca again!

Ciara: That can exist for her! Good riddance!

*muffled screaming and shin kicking*

Francesca: Oh, he won't be kidnapping anyone for a while*

AN: So? How did you like it? This is my favorite one yet!-AwesomeSauce

Convo 5- Sebastian + Halloween X Lexi= BANANA SUIT!

AN: THIS is funny stuff. In honor of Halloween, I'm writing a Halloween chappy! As you can guess, it involves a banana suit. Also includes banana in Hebrew and of course, Sebastian. Enjoy- AwesomeSauce

Sebastian: So, Lana, ahem, um, what have you been up to? I've been very sinister lately

Lexi: Oookay

I've been okay

Like you would care

You seem to have a weird obsession with texting me.

Sebastian: I've got reasons

Lexi: Um, STALKER ALERT!

Sebastian: Also I get bored easily

Lexi: And you amuse yourself by texting random girls?

CREEEEEPY!

Sebastian: You make it sound worse than it is...

To be honest...

You're the only person on my contact list who still responds

Lexi: You have such a greeeeeaat social life don't you.

Sebastian: Well, I'm exiled in the shadow hunter world and there aren't many people who like me, but I got a new phone.

Lexi: Great. Where the heck did you get $300?

Sebastian: Places...

People...

Lexi: Anyway, I'm sorry to say, but Ciara went back to Brain Central Station and invaded someone else's head.

Not sorry

Sebastian: I'm over her

Lexi: I figured

She did kinda fake liking you to get you away.

Sebastian: Yup

Lexi: *sarcastically* I can't imagine how hard it was. *rolls eyes*

Sebastian: So Halloween is coming up

Lexi: Yeah

Sebastian: What are you being?

Lexi: I was just going to ask you the same!

Sebastian: Oh, us dark shadow hunters don't dress up

Lexi: Anyway, I'm being Clary. Yes, I know she's your sister, but she's awesome!

Oh

WAIT!

Sebastian: She's actually rather pesky

Lexi: SEB, BE A BANANA!

Sebastian: Why...?

Lexi: That would be HEEEELARIOUS!

Sebastian: Lana have you fallen off of the proverbial deep end?

Lexi: Yes, Seb, I have

Because you should be a banana for Halloween

Sebastian: Okay, so, I'm not doing that

Lexi: I will find you and get you in a banana suit

Sebastian: I will find you and get you in a lion suit

I was a lion when I was three

For Halloween

Lexi: I didn't know Shadowhunters did halloween

Sebastian: It was on a trip to New York

My father had some business to attend to

Lexi: Anyway, I said already. I'm being Clary for Halloween

F's being a ninja

Sebastian: Actually if you make me be a banana...

Then I get to pick what you are

Lexi: What? You'll do it!

And I'll still do my thing?

Great! Awesome Sauce!

Sebastian: No

Lexi: One banana suit coming up!

Sebastian: I said if I get to pick your costume

Lexi: Nope

Sebastian: Then no

Lexi: I'm sticking with my costume

Sebastian: Then I'm sticking with mine

I mean

Lexi: Well, be something, Sebby!

Sebastian: IM NOT ALREADY WEARING A COSTUME

WHATRE U TALKIN BOUT

HEH HEH *whispering to self* Way to be subtle...

UM

UM

So yeah

Lexi: Be something. Other than yourself.

For Halloween

Sebastian: I'm being Endarkened for Halloween

Lexi: Can't you actually work with me here?

I'm not trying to hit you or get angry at you for kidnapping my friend!

Sebastian: I don't feel like it *whines like 3 year old*

Oh, about that

I never said I didn't kidnap her

Lexi: How mature... *rolls eyes*

Sebastian: On a related note

Lexi: Cliché. Incredibly cliché.

Don't you have something better to do?

Like be a banana for Halloween

Sebastian: I thought we were done with that conversation

Lexi: Too bad

Im not

BANANA!

Sebastian: Do you really want me to start another language battle

Lexi: BANANA!BANANA!BANANA!

Sebastian: Because believe me sweetie, I will stoop to that level

Lexi: בננה

I don't want one either

I want you to be a banana.

Sebastian: Donde esta el bicicleta

Lexi: Where is the bicycle?

Is that the best you've got

Sebastian: Maybe...

Me: בננהבננהבננהבננהבננהבננה

Sebastian: I don't feel like going to google trans- I mean nothing...

Lexi: Let's stop

Sebastian: Those are the same letters multiple times

Lexi: No more language battle

And I know

It says, drum roll

BANANA!

Sebastian: Really...?

Lexi: Yes

Yurp

AN: It ends kind of abruptly. Sorry. We had to cut off like two whole lines because Blackquill was questioning my knowledge of Hebrew. Yes, it really means banana! In your face Blackquill! ? -AwesomeSauce


	4. Chapter 4

Convo 6- The Return of Ciara

AN: This is an awesome convo. Hey guys, Ciara's back! The convo mainly involves a helpless Lexi, a pleading Sebastian, and of course, Ciara! Enjoy! - AwesomeSaucw

Sebastian: Lana, how is Sienna doing?

Lexi: Ciara? I told you, she's gone.

Sebastian: I've, well, been wondering about her...

Lexi: Stabbed you in the back, remember?

Sebastian: Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's over me...

Lexi: Oh, she's over you

Sebastian: How'd you know she left?

Lexi: She was in my brain?

Sebastian: So there's no way she likes me again?

Lexi: Nope

Sebastian: That's rather... Unfortunate

Lexi: NOT

Sebastian: Hmmm...

Well what do you suppose I do

Lexi: Why should I help you?

Sebastian: I helped you with that one story.

Lexi: Well, IT CRASHED AND BURNED!?

AND IM ONLY ON THE FIRST CHAPTER!?

Sebastian: I'm sure you'll think of something, but in the meantime, help me!

Lexi: You really want Ciara back, don't you.

Sebastian: Yes...

Lexi: Hahahahaha. Oh, that's pitiful.

Sebastian: I think I am destroying, and I want to be destroyed too.

Lexi: She's gone, dude. Gone gone gone gone gone.

Sebastian: Laugh all you want, I don't care.

Did you not hear the poetic line about me not being afraid to love or to be loved?

Lexi: I heard it

Sebastian: Because I was quite proud of that one

Lexi: I barely remember Ciara anymore.

If I tried to call her back, she won't come.

Sebastian: She's somewhere out there. I know it

And I know how to find her

Lexi: Somewhere in the depths of my brain, yes, she's there

Sebastian: We need to get your brain transit hubbing! It'll solve both of our problems

Lexi: It may solve mine, but how will it solve yours?

Sebastian: Well if your brain is going crazy, Ciara might come back.

Lexi: For all I know, Ciara could be in mental Siberia at this point

Sebastian: Yes, but the hub could make her come back.

We have to try.

Lexi: You are not going to overload my brain.

Sebastian: Why not? Don't you need writers block help?

Lexi: Then I get overflow and that solves NOTHING

Sebastian: Well what do you suppose we do

Lexi: overflow just makes me crazy

We?

Hahahaha

Sebastian: Yes, I help you, you help me.

You owe me

For helping with that story

Lexi: I owe you nothing!

Sebastian: And so if you don't help now, I shall exact my revenge

Lexi: What are you going to do? Attempt to cliche-ly stick the infernal cup down my throat?

Sebastian: Nope, but I have the High Warlock of Brooklyn on my side. Remember when I threatened his cat?

Lexi: Yeah yeah

Well, I don't want to be covered in glitter...

Sebastian: Dear, that is very funny, but he can do much worse.

Lexi: It's Magnus! I could probably get him to stop by threatening to reveal to EVERYONE that he kissed Will.

Sebastian: The only one that would bother is Alec.

And I'm almost positive they are over that problem.

Lexi: Whatevs

Sebastian: Magnus Bane may love glitter, but he is not soft. He will not back down.

Lexi: I told you, Ciara's gonzo! I can't get her back. She's a lost cause

But I happen to know some other friends.

Sebastian: No matter. We must try.

We'll never know if we don't try.

I don't care about your pesky little gang

Lexi: Not them!

I mean other Ciara-like friends!

Sebastian: Ha, so you agree they are pesky.

I am only concerned with Ciara.

Lexi: No, my buds aren't pesky

MY BUDS ARE AWESOME SAUCE!

Sebastian: You must know I'm serious, I'm using her real name.

Hmmmm

Yes, yes, enough about them.

Lexi: That's definitely says something

I don't know what I could do!

I could try to make another Ciara, but it wouldn't be the same!

Sebastian: I feel... *shudders* warmth... For another person.

I do not want another.

We need to find the real one.

Lexi: My brain is like a computer. Ciara's off my files and on the Internet now.

Sebastian: Then Google her!

She's out there.

Lexi: You don't get metaphors, do you.

Sebastian: I do, but I don't care for them.

Lexi: I'm not sorry, but I can't help you

Sebastian: *calls Magnus* Bane, get over here.

*nefarious whispering*

Lexi: I swear, I can't help you, I don't know how I can!

Sebastian: Well, the transitty thing would work, I'm sure of it.

Lexi: I told you. Overflow does nothing but make me crazy and have me spouting ideas everywhere

Sebastian: Tell me about her, tell me her childhood. Tell me the exact color of her hair, tell me her favorite breakfast. We must jog your memory.

Lexi: I know her story, but it's Ciara's personality that's hard. Ciara's so... complex.

Sebastian: Then tell me Lexi. Who is Ciara? As a person? Who is she?

What's her reason for getting up in the morning.

Lexi: Well, she's your girlfriend. You remember

Or ex girlfriend

Sebastian: She was my girlfriend for all of twenty minutes.

At least a day!

Sebastian: She never even told me her last name.

Lexi: Ciara was something I made up on the fly. She doesn't have a last name.

Her story is short. She's your ex and has a sister

I always imagined it as Schmidt, but I don't think that is relevant.

Sebastian: Well imagine the rest of it now!

Lexi: I refuse

Ciara: Did someone call for me?

Sebastian: CIARA? Is it really you? Will you go on a date with me for real this time? Oh my gosh, I don't know how to thank you Lexi but if you ever need anything, you know who to call!

Ciara: I guess we could give it a try...

Sebastian: YES!

Lexi: Ugh... I'm going to regret ever giving you a girlfriend, huh...?

Sebastian: You are rather rude to me, but I am forever in debt to you. I won't forget this. *walks into sunset with Ciara*

Fin

AN: That was amazingly fun to write! We love how it turned out, and it sure was an adventure! Thanks for reading this!- Blackquill16 and AwesomeSauce


End file.
